Perfectly Broken
by Nikki-Chaos
Summary: I still fall on my face sometimes, And I can't colour inside the lines, 'Cause I'm perfectly incomplete..She was lost, broken and empty after the war, the wounds it caused her to painful to heal but can someone do just that, can they bring her back to the girl she was or will she be forever perfectly Broken.


**Disclaimer – I OWN NOTHING BUT THE PLOT AND ORIGINAL CHARACTERS.**

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It was at times like these, as Lillian Lupin watches people gather in the stadium that she remembers how alone she is, how broken she is from the war. The people gathering in the wooden seats under the glare of the American sun didn't have to worry about making sure they're scars were covered, was their smile too fake, was their pain written in their eyes for everyone to see, they didn't but Lillian did.

It had been five years since Lillian had broken into tiny little pieces, five years since she had last smiled and meant it. The great Wizarding war had seen to that damage. Some would say that Lillian should be grateful, she made it out alive, she survived the war when so many hadn't. And she was, she was grateful she was alive but it was the other damages that ate at her heart.

It wasn't the fact that she had killed in the war, it also wasn't the fact of watching people die in the war, it was watching as her friends died and she didn't, couldn't do anything to stop it, she had managed to save two lives but out of the near fifty that had died it seem like a small reprieve.

She can remember clearly the heart wrenching fear that had circled her heart as she watched her father nearly killed, she had wanted to scream but couldn't her throat blocked by some kind of force. Luckily she had managed to spring her mind and her wand into action and cast the one spell she could think of, one to slow down time, giving her enough time to move her father out of the way.

She had looked down at her father as they had landed and after some other person, she couldn't remember who had taken down her fathers would be killer to see his eyes closed, for a moment she had thought him dead but the force in which she had taken him down he had hit his head.

She had wanted to scream, cry anything but look upon his face. Kingsley Shacklebolt had come to her side then and pried her away from her father, she remembers kicking out at him, her face wet with tears he had calmly looked her in the eye and told her to put her anger onto someone else, use it to win the war.

And that's just what she had done, she had ran around Hogwarts castle casting spell after spell at the death eaters, some of them Killing Curses and she couldn't bring herself to care, she was lost inside her anger.

It was as she was in this numb state that she found the second person she saved, Fred Weasley. At the time of the war he was Lillian's boyfriend, the two of them dating since their fifth year and the same heart wrenching fear had clogged her heart as the wall behind him blew up, but she cast the same spell again and watched as he brother Percy pulled him out of the way.

She had wanted to stay and see how he was but he didn't need her, he had his family and that was all that mattered, they had a war to win and things as trivial as who needed who could wait. The rest of the war passed in a blur of movement, of duels and people dying that by the end of it, when Voldermort had been taken down by Harry Potter, two years Lillian's junior, that she felt bone deep tired.

She stood in the Great hall watching as people mourned, healed from their injuries or sat hugging each other celebrating. Her brown eyes taking it all in yet seeming far away from it, like she no longer belonged.

It was as her eyes landed on her father, laid next to the body of his new wife Nymphadora Tonks that Lillian finally broke, he was further away from her than even death could take him. Her heart broke for the two, yes Lillian hadn't liked the pairing with Tonks being so close to her age but Tonks had made her father happy and that's all she had wanted, she had given him a son, Lillian a brother. Yet Tonks was gone from this world, her father hanging on by a mere thread.

Lillian had walked from the great hall as she watched Harry walk over to her; she'd walked and walked till her feet ached before she apparated, landing in the garden of Andromeda Tonks, the mother of her father's wife. The woman had just looked upon Lillian's face before crumbling into a heap on the ground, Lillian had wanted to comfort her but didn't know how so she just passed to woman, leaving her in the care of her husband and walked into the house and over to her baby brother, smiling in his cot not knowing the loss he had just suffered.

She'd lifted him from his crib and hugged him close, placing a kiss to his head before lying him down and leaving the house and the family and apparating away, leaving London behind without a backward glance.

She'd managed to secure a port key to anywhere; she didn't care where and landed in America. The clothes on her back still dirty and bloody from the war but she was away and for the first time in what felt like hours she took a deep breath and finally screamed. A muggle couple had found her and invited her into their house, running her a bath, securing her clothes and fixed her a warm meal.

She took it all without a question, making sure to hide her wand from their view so they didn't ask questions. She stayed for all of two days before leaving the house in the early morning hours and walked into the town. She walked for what seemed like hours before finding a wizard, who led her to the Wizarding side of the small American town she'd found.

She entered and felt blessed that no one knew who she was, only the Gringott's goblins when she went to get her accounts moved over. It took a few weeks but soon she had it all moved over and could start a new life, which she did.

She had landed in Denver, Colorado and soon joined the Quidditch team Lady Luck, which was an all-girls team in the position of Chaser, a position she used to play in School on her houses team. She also managed to secure a small house and made friends gradually with her team mates. She also bought a house cat called Buddy and a new owl Buster, her way of company whilst she settled in.

It was a week into her move, the day after her first training session when she returned home to four owls sitting on her fence, letters attached to each of them. She'd taken the letters and walked into the house after the owls flew off and sat at the kitchen table just staring at them. The writing on the front of each one telling her who had sent them, Harry, Fred, St Mungo's (the seal told her that) and Andromeda.

She'd read them all, drinking in the information in each of them like a sponge taking in water. Harry's and St Mungo's kind of told her the same thing she already knew deep down. Her father was in a coma and they didn't know if he was going to wake up. She replied to the St Mungo's one and asked them to send her information every now and then. She sent the letter off with Buster and threw Harry's in the bin not wanting to reply.

Fred's letter was more like a plea; he wanted her to come back to London, somehow knowing she was no longer there, to tell him what he had done wrong and where they're relationship stood. He also said he understood why she ran, her father was her life but that didn't mean she had to block everyone out.

She threw his in the bin too.

She read Andromeda's with tears in her eyes, Andromeda had not once mentioned Lillian running, her father's condition but had instead wrote about what her brother Teddy was up to. How much he was growing. She had also included photos which Lillian pulled close to her heart before setting the letter aside. She didn't reply but she didn't throw the letter either.

And that was how five years passed, Lillian playing Quidditch, training or going out with her friends. She never once told them about why she left London and none of them asked. She still received letters from Andromeda letting her know Teddy's development, also pictures showing how he was aging. Also how she had been telling Teddy tales of Lillian and how Teddy went to bed each night with a picture of Lillian and her father in his hands.

For that purpose Lillian sent as many up to date pictures as she could, so her brother knew her face as she aged.

She also received almost monthly updates from St Mungo's but after five years her father had still not improved but doctors where still hopeful that he could pull through. Something to do with his Brain activity showed her was still in there just lost.

And for the first two years she received letters from Harry and Fred before they stopped, she didn't mourn the loss of their letters. After all she'd not replied to a single one, it just broke her heart a little that they didn't try harder but neither did she.

"LIL"

Lillian turns to see her teammate and friend Arianna looking at her with laughter in her eyes before walking over to grab her arm.

"Come on George is kicking off" Arianna chuckles

"When doesn't he" Lillian drawls causing Arianna to laugh more

Lillian allows herself to be pulled into the team meeting, listening as George rattles of strategies that none of them listen to, his words becoming more and more jumbled the more he speaks. Lillian covers a yawn before looking over to Arianna to roll her eyes.

"And don't forget ladies we win this we go up against England's finest"

Lillian froze and looks back over at George to see a big smile on his face, she knew they were the best team in their league (they had yet to lose a game and end a season in any place but first) but it was the first she had heard of about them going up against a team from England. She voices this matter to be met with George's laughter.

"The nominations are coming up for the best player for each position, seeker, keeper and all that stuff so all the best teams from England go up against all the best foreign teams like us, Bulgaria and so forth" George explains.

"So where are these games taking place" Lillian asks, her English accent seeming out of place against George's Texan one

"England"

Lillian nods, the words crashing over her like little needles. The team is excused and Lillian grabs her broom and follows her team in auto-pilot, the word _England_ swimming around her head like a broken record. They stand behind the wooden gate and listen as the announcer hypes up the crowd, each of them awaiting the mention of their name so they can fly out onto the pitch.

"Looks like you're going home Lil" Melissa, the teams Keeper says coming to a stop at Lillian's left

"Looks like it" she drawls glancing at Melissa briefly

"At least we know we'll have a tour guide" Annie, the seeker shouts

The corner of Lillian's mouth lifts up in acknowledgement before she tunes out the rest of their chatter and begins messing with her gloves, wishing and praying the game would just hurry up and start. Also she silently wishes the team would lose but she knew that wasn't going to happen.

But a girl could dream.

They'd won the match 870-50 and Lillian hated every bit of it, she hated the screams from the fan as Annie caught the snitch, she hated the pats on the back from the teams staff as they headed back into the changing rooms and she defiantly hated George as he came bounding into the room with a big wide ass smile on his face.

"Now we leave for England a week today at 2 in the afternoon by Port key as the time zones are different so make sure you get here early and pack for a month as that's how long we are going to be there" he nods "Any questions"

"What part of England are we landing in" Annie asks

"London"

"Are we limited to any one place whilst there?" this time it was Connie asking

"No you will be able to move freely in between games and practices which works wonders for us as we can have Lil show us around"

Lillian nods as she finishes getting dressed, wishing they'd all hurry up and shut the fuck up so she could leave. She got her wish five minutes later and was the first one out the door, chucking byes and see ya soons over her shoulder as she ran to the Apparation point.

It wasn't until she was in her living room, surrounded in silence that she dropped to her knees and let out another large scream, just like she did the first time she landed in Denver over five years ago.

She was going home.

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**END NOTE – So REVIEW and let me know what you think please people. Any questions message me and I'll try and answer them as best I can.**

**BUT PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE REVIEW.**

**Nikki**

**xx**


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